I remember the first time we moved away from our family. We had just celebrated our last Christmas together before boarding the plane with our daughter who was not even a year old as we headed for our new home in Barcelona, Spain. I knew in my head that being away from our family would be difficult, but no amount of advice or warnings could ever have prepared me for what it was like to be thousands of miles away from everything and everyone that was familiar to me. We were lucky that first year to have a few visitors, but the loneliness I experienced in those first two years abroad was suffocating.
I still cry at every holiday… yes, even after living overseas for more than seven years. Being away from the people I love is still very painful for me… But, when someone comes to visit it is a grand reunion. We stay up late talking and laughing into the night. We play on the floor with the kids. We cook all our favorite foods. We live as if there is no tomorrow.
It is bittersweet… this whole living overseas thing. On most days, we don’t think about it. We live our lives, just as we would if our family lived down the street, but every now and then we are reminded that we are making an exchange. We get to live our dreams (and we really are!) but we also have to do it without them here. We’ve tried to convince our family to move to Denmark, though they are not to be persuaded… and I suppose we know it is not really a reasonable request…
When the night comes and all is quiet, sometimes I am filled with agonizing fears of losing a family member… fear beyond words that I will regret all the time we could have had together. Some days I just want to lay down and weep just from the fear alone. But I know in my heart that we are exactly where we should be, living the life we were meant to live, and in that assurance I find the peace I need to continue on… To find the courage to live … to not take a moment of our life for granted… and to make sure that we are making every moment count.
And even when it is time to say goodbye yet again, we hold tight to every little happiness we shared together. We look through our photos, remind each other of the fun things we did together, and begin planning for the next visit no matter how long the wait will be…
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
I can totally relate to how you feel about living apart from family! Being apart from my parents and sisters have made me appreciate them so much more and I cry every time we have to say goodbye again. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas with your mom visiting and I love this candid photo with your littlest (who is the cutest boy I have ever met!) and your mom! See you soon I hope
@Karen Thanks so much! We had a wonderful visit and I know you understand the distance, too! Hugs!
That’s life in all its meanings…
I totally understand you.
Oh, I can identify with that. I have been living overseas for 11 years now, half a world away from my family, and it’s so hard, especially at holidays and on birthdays. How nice for you to have had your mom visiting just before Christmas! Cherish those memories
Oh, I feel this too. We moved overseas when I was eight, and I have been deeply missing someone at every point in time since then. We have been in the UK for 1.5 years, and still don’t a plan for going back for a visit (we don’t have the means!) This makes me feel a little panicky, and I think often of my grandparents who are almost 90, and how much I want my daughter to know them… Sending a knowing hug your way, Tina.
Great post….interesting that you describe what I feel in my passport country! Because I grew up overseas and then lived overseas for so many years I have reverse longing which people here don’t quite get! Glad to have discovered your blog!
Thank you for the honest heartfelt encouragement! It’s so good to know that we’re not alone in our struggles! Thank you and I hope your family made some wonderful holiday memories and enjoy this new year!
been there….
Wonderful post. Thank you – you incredibly accurately captured much of what I am feeling. I hope to one day be able to write about it so well. It truly is bittersweet.
Your words “the whole living overseas thing is bittersweet” is very true. I feel this too sometimes. Thanks for sharing such a post. I love your blog, btw.
Wow, what an amazing post. I found your blog recently by watching you guys on HouseHunters International. My husband and I lived overseas in our 20s and long to return. However, now that I’m older, and we’re considering starting a family, I honestly question whether I can do it. Even in my 20s, living out of a backpack, young and free, the loneliness was, well, like you said “suffocating.” Thank you for giving me the hope that if our dream to return abroad does pan out that it’s meant to be because it’s our path.
I can relate so much to this post. My mom turned 70 this year and I know that the time is getting shorter that she will be able to come visit.
I do however feel that the time we do have is so special. Like you we live it up and really enjoy each other. I sometimes wonder if we lived right next door if those time wouldn’t be taken for granted?
Thanks for the post
Oh, what a great post! I totally understand you, maybe because I have the same thoughts and worries. The difference is that mine are still so strong that i couldn’t leave my dearest and go abroad, and I wanted it so much. So, everyone has to find it’s own way. To find the courage to live, as you said.
Best wishes,
Vanya
What a lovely and touching post! My parents “left” me when I was just about to finish college (still in the US – but I was poor and couldn’t afford to go visit them – *almost* the same, right?
Almost…) – and it was one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with. I understand your fears (it’s so hard to see them age). Thank you for sharing so much of your experience and for your honesty. Sending you lots of love – I know that your Mother’s visit is a blessing, but so hard to see her go.
Tina, I have the precise fear you have. After living in Copenhagen for 6 years – so far from my beloved family in California – I too cry at night, and fret, and worry myself sick that something could happen to my aging parents, or one of my 3 sisters… and the devastation would crush me, and the sorrow would be doubled, compounded by my regret for having spent 6 (selfish) years so far away. But I read something that helped me to find a rational way to fight this tendency. We cannot pre-grieve. There will be grief in the future. It’s a guarantee that one day we’ll cry. But to sit and worry about it now, well, then you’re living the grief twice, rather than just living and enjoying what is here right now.
Good luck!
Camryn in Copenhagen
i was feeling sad today cos i was missing my little sister and wanted to cry. despite living abroad for 10 years now, i still feel exactly the same. i stumbled upon your blog and this is exactly what i needed to read, to allow myself to know its okay to feel sad, and yet happy, yet guilty, how contradictory. that griping fear that something bad might happen, or that i am missing out on their everyday life. every moment together, however short during the holidays, is so intensely happy and precious and every departure still ends with tears, no matter how many departures.
thank you for sharing. beautifully written. beautiful blog and images.
I too, feel your pain. xoxo