I believe that life can be so complex at times, full of heartache and brokenness. We all face struggles and difficulties that sometimes feel like they will literally choke the life out of us. And just when we think that we cannot take one more breath… good things start to happen. Maybe they happen little by little, but we rejoice in them because even a little good thing is still a good thing.
My pregnancy with Landon was much like this. There were many days that I wondered if we would ever welcome a healthy baby boy into our family. After suddenly loading up the family and heading to Spain for the birth I still felt overwhelmed. Nothing felt like it was in it’s place and we were still very scared about Landon’s health…
And then he came into our lives so suddenly. I realized in that moment as I looked at his perfect little face that he was okay. We were okay. All of our prayers, along with the prayers of so many others, had been answered. As he lay on my chest I felt choked up and kept saying to him over and over, “I wanted you so badly!” In that moment it hit me- I had never allowed myself to hope. No way- I’m a realist! I had been telling myself for nine months that it might not work out. He may not make it. I had bought the swing and the clothes and everyone was helping to bring him everything he needed from States. We talked about him coming. We even decorated the room for the two boys, but I never allowed myself the hope that he would actually come. And then he did. And it was glorious to hold him and love him and let him be mine.
You might think that after nine month that the raw emotions would have subsided, but instead they have grown more intense. As I look into his big brown eyes I see hope. I see the future- his future. And I find myself nodding… oh, yes! Surely my cup runneth over!
I wish I had time tonight to look at your archives to see the challenges you had durning your pregnancy. I understand that feeling. I am so sorry that you didn’t get to feel the joy of being pregnant. I feel like that was robbed from me with the pregnancy of Roman since we knew he had a heart condition and would need open heart surgery. However, I did read the suggested stories of Hollywood baby and Honeymoon mishaps. What crazy stories! The Honeymoon one had me bellylaughing.
Such beautiful babies you have!
I so understand what you mean! My Mom has always said, “Think the worst and hope for the best”, and I am trying to retrain myself not to think that! I want to always trust in the Lord and give all lifes situations over to Him! Life is so much easier that way! Thanks so much this post and how it reminds me that He is always in control! It is so wonderful to see your little baby boy so healthy!
It must feel so good to cuddle your little healthy boy now and look into his eyes! Our own worries about the health of our little girl are not over yet.
He is so beautiful…you all must get lost in those eyes all the time
He is sooo darn cute! He’s such a combo of Hailey and Parker. And that hair! Did Jack style it for you? Liam’s used to do that naturally at that age. Can’t wait to squeeze all of you in person– 5 months+ and counting down!!
What a beautiful boy…we should all appreciate what we have…thanks for the reminder.
What a sweet little sweetie! Glad you’re having such a happy ending.
I’ve sent you a link to a blog with photos of the boys on our recent vacation….it is similar to the post on my blog.
oh what a beautiful post- and a most gorgeous young man you have there.
very sweet.
be well, be hopeful.
Isn’t it something, the not letting yourself hope thing? I find myself hoping I can handle the potential outcomes of a situation (good or bad), but not actually really hoping and praying that a dream will come true. Which is really sad when you put it in print. Is the base issue a feeling of unworth? Pessimism, etc? Interesting to see a post on this b/c it’s something I’ve been pondering myself lately.
I believe if we have a desire in our heart, and if we’re supposed to cast our cares on God, we’re supposed to cast the whole care, and not just the how-to-handle-the-possible-outcomes part. I need to work on that.
You aren’t kidding about big brown eyes! So cute!
When I read your line about being a realist, I knew I would be the same way. Sometimes it is a great advantage, but sometimes I think it would be easier to be an optimist.
So beautifully written. Are we going to see a scrapbook page of this soon?
I’m glad I stumbled on your blog from Two Peas and I can’t wait to read more! I have been at some point in the same situation where I can’t allow myself to hope for fear of the “great disappointment”, I’m glad you shared this story because it helps me give hope a chance… after all I am named HOPE.
Wow Tina! This post is amazing, brought tears to my eyes! I’m so glad everything turned out fine. Look at that beauty!
Beautiful, beautiful… and news that you are such a realist!
That little fellow and those eyes, they just melt me. Love this post, Tina.
i love Landon’s hair spiked like that! so cute!
it was fantastic to hang out with you all today…thank you for lunch and for just letting me be me! i like you guys a LOT!