holding {on} and letting go…

by Tina on April 26, 2012

in family, Fashion, photography

My heart is steeped in indecision, my mind chasing down every possibility.  For every yes, there are a million little no’s and some days I feel utterly lost in between them all.  I see the possibilities and yet I am held back by the fear of stepping out and letting go…

I have never had an easy time letting go of something I love, for if I cherish it, I will hold on to it with every last shred of my existence.  But sometimes in order to say yes to something else, something truly remarkable, we must open our hands and release the comfort of the place where we are clutching with an iron grip.

What if we could know?  What if we could say with absolute certainty that what is awaiting on the other side will be far grander?  Would we say yes?  What if we knew that the distance between the present and the future was far greater than our mind could comprehend, yet the reward equal to the task?

Should we simply plunge forward with not a moment of hesitation?  Would that not be irreverent to all that has been… to all that one has strived for?

But what if I am selling myself short, more out of fear than anything else?  I know you would be very disappointed in me for it, though I’m sure you would not want to tell me.  A soul can be a fragile thing like that, but I believe most firmly that one must live life with all the passion one has to give it.  If I see that life is taking me down an unexpected path, then I must face it with all the courage I can muster.

I suppose that is where I am right now… a heart full of excitement for new things that make me want to dance and shout, but trying to grasp the utterly annoying reality of my humanity and my inability to overcome this nuisance.

If I am being perfectly honest with myself, then I must accept that not every dream can be pursued, but rather sifted out until one stumbles upon the greatest dreams… the kind that keep you awake at night and find you while you roam the city by day… 
This is why I am convinced that the time has come for me to hold on to a great many things, but loosen my grip just a little to make a place for some really amazing new things…

I just wish I didn’t feel so scared…

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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Sarah Young April 26, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Such beautiful pictures and now my curiosity is completely piqued! Can’t wait for you tell us what these big new things are!

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Sara Spencer April 26, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Gorgeous pictures! Just beautiful. And I am too curious as to what news you may have to share…=)

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Cristina M April 26, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Go for it Tina! And I think you look absolutely beautiful! I love the cardigan and the colours. Beige is definitely one of my favourites!

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Tina April 26, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Thank you girls so much! I promise, I will have something to share soon!

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Bethany April 26, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Beautiful indecision… don’t make us wait too long!

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Lisa Petrella April 26, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Go for it Tina!!! Reach for the stars!!! Can’t wait to hear more about this!!!!

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Tina April 27, 2012 at 1:50 am

Beautiful and compelling. Can’t wait to hear more. And you are so lovely. :)
Best,
Tina

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Monica April 27, 2012 at 2:55 am

I am curious, but also very touched by your post, can’t wait to hear more.

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Nina April 27, 2012 at 8:50 am

Beautiful words, beautiful pictures…beautiful YOU!

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Rach April 27, 2012 at 11:41 am

Tina – firstly beautiful photos (love the cardigan), secondly your writing…wow…it just carries you off to a place you can begin to imagine what you are speaking of! I can not wait to hear what your wonderful news is – we will all in the meantime wait and wonder and maybe be excited and scared ourselves at what it might be!

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Beth April 29, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Tina, these photos are amazing. You must be very comfortable with your husband to be so open for him to get shots like these. I could never…

Looking forward to hearing about whatever your news is! Hugs!
Beth

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Victoria April 30, 2012 at 12:15 am

WOW, that was beautiful lady… The words and photos and everything. My prayers are with you as you navigate the dreams and limitations of this life. Be encouraged though, I’ve heard all artists struggle with such!

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Desha Peacock April 30, 2012 at 3:22 am

Hi Tina,
It’s been a while, but I remember you from BYW. I saw your name on a comment on decor8 (holly’s second book post!) and wanted to see what you’ve been up to since the class. I was surprised and delighted to read this very personal post which I can SO relate to.

If ONLY we could have the guarantee that if we follow our dreams, we will WIN! We’ll get the success, praise and satisfaction we crave. But, there are no guarantees are there? I hope and pray it’s true, because I’m doing it right now and yes mam, it is hard and scary, and I still don’t know the answer. I just know I have to try and have faith it will somehow work out. I hope you do the same and keep it touch in the meantime.
Desha

http://www.thedeshashow.blogspot.com/2012/04/one-year-ago-today.html

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Kristy April 30, 2012 at 10:31 am

I know EXACTLY what you mean. Thank you.

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Tina April 30, 2012 at 2:43 pm

@Kristy Thank you so much for taking the time to leave me a little note! I know you have your hands full right now and it was such a treat to see your kind words waiting for me today. I, as so many around the world, admire you and your family so much! I feel as though I have a small understanding of some of the trials you guys face, though I think our three years in Africa were so much less demanding. I remember the feeling of relief when we would travel to Europe and the inevitable tug to go back. It is a strange world we live in, is it not? I wish you and your family all the best as you continue on your journey of living radically and showing the world that there are some things that can change… if only some would be willing to try.

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Tina April 30, 2012 at 2:33 pm

@Desha Thank you so much for your sweet and encouraging note! I am so glad to hear that I am not alone and hope so much that your journey is full of many successes and maybe a few surprises too! Best of luck!

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twiggs May 2, 2012 at 12:52 am

oh my goodness tina, you look absolutely STUNNING!!!! gorgeous photos and emotions in every single picture… and your clothes are so delicate!

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Melanie May 7, 2012 at 12:59 am

Tina, you look so beautiful! I love these photos. I hope you’re able to figure out what decision is best for you…and that you’ll share it soon, of course. :)

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